Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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