And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
