took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Life is so much better after having sex.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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