My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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