i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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