So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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