I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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