am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
