how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
