We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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