Jerry, you need to find god
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
