I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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