Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
