Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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