so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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