Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
