its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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