well most of my day revolves around power hour
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
