First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
