I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
