sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
