I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
