I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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