i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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