dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
