I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
