I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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