My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
