Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
