I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
