Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
