Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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