Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
