you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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