turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
