All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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