3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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