My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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