I like to think it a success when the cops are called
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
