When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
