Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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