And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
