i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
