your thong is hanging out like whoa
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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