you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
