i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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