Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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