I just gift wrapped bread.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
