I skipped work to stalk him.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
