The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I've blown a few things in my day
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
