I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
