You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
